I'm having a really tough time. I can barely function. Work has been really slow this week and all I do is look through photos from Jesse's first surgery and read posts here and on FB. I know we'll get through this, but I really don't know how. I left work early today because I'm a complete basket case. Seven more weeks until Jesse's surgery. I can't miss anymore work or I won't have enough time off left. I got to get it together but I don't know how I'm going to do that. I get sick to my stomach every time I think about him going through surgery again. This has been so much harder than the first time. Maybe it's because we have to wait longer. I don't know really. It's just harder. I just keep trying to remind myself about how great he did, but I think its going to be harder for him this time because he is older and more aware of what is going on. And I worry that he'll swell up a lot more because they'll be doing more this time. He's going to do a split bone graft from the back to replace the forehead, so they'll be working on the back and front this time. I know Jesse will have a really tough time if he can't see and it just makes me sad that he has to go through that. We were lucky the first time and his left eye never swelled completely shut, but I just don't see that happening this time because of the amount of work that will be done. It just makes me so sad.