Question re: older siblings

[ItsMel]

We're all set and ready (as we can be) for Maya's (Sagittal) surgery to take place on 4/15 @ NYU with Dr. Wisoff. We'll be going the open method route because we feel its best for her! We are a little apprehensive, however about how our boys, ages 3 and 5 will react to Maya needing surgery and how her scar will look afterward.

I'd love to hear from other moms/dads with older non-cranio siblings and how you handled it with/explained it to them. What were their reactions initially? Were they afraid? Confused?

Any help is greatly appreciated!!

Thanks so much!!

[Janet]

My son Noah was 8 when Fiona had her surgery, he was back and forth on whether he wanted to see her in the hospital, he finally decided he wanted to, so my husband brought him on day 3 once all her tubes were out, he walked in and only stayed in
the room for a few minutes....he was much better once we got her home, he was very careful around her....he was very protective I told him from the beginning that she needed to get her skull fixed and that she would be swollen and have a big scar on her head.....he thought the scar was cool typical boy!!

[BrendansMummy]

My daughter who is 4 looked at him funny for a moment then was fine. My 5 year old took a few hours even a day to get used to his new look and the swelling.
Its been a week now and they are very careful with him and are all doing just fine :)

[Etinker]

We told my then 3 almost 4 yr old that Maya had a boo boo in here head and she needed surgery to fix it. We showed her pics of the scar ahead of time so she would be prepared.
We were pretty open about what would happen - that we'd be in the hospital and Nana and Pop pop would be with her.
She couldn't go to the hospital because of swine flu restrictions but we did leave the hospital and have dinner with her one night.
All in all she took it really well. She liked to tell everyone her sister had surgery and show them her scar.
Good luck! Let us know if you need anything else- beth

[ItsMel]

Thanks so much for your replies, I feel better about it already. The boys are going to be spending two nights with my in laws and another night with my aunt and uncle and they are are looking forward to that. I think the best thing is just to be open and honest and answer their questions in the simplest way w/o too much detail!

Thanks again...

[China]

Hi, the older ones were fine with it. Mostly my 13 year reacted like a mommy would, just very concern if they had pain or not she is very maternal. My son that's eight didn't pay that much attention to it. I did explain the surgery to them since they are older to understand. We have been through surgery twice with our last two. Hope the Best for your little one!

[Monica]

I didn't bring them to the hospital, but did explain to them about the swelling and scar. I did bring home a pair of latex gloves and offer them an opportunity to touch her staples if they wanted - only that one time with my supervision - i.e., don't touch them otherwise. But they weren't interested - "no thanks mom". They weren't overly concerned or curious - just took it in stride.

[Eleanor's Mummy]

My 3 year old (as he was then) came to the hospital to see Eleanor. He saw her in the ward when she still had her bandage, but once the drain was out. He still thinks it is funny the big bandage she had on her head, but he was more interested in the toy room that was on theward.

I wanted him to see her in hospital , so that he could be more understanding of her head when she got home post operatively. he was very protective of her (and still is) and they have a lovely bond. I'm sure being involved in the hospital process helped.

[AJ's Mommy]

My daughter was 4 1/2 when AJ had his surgery for Sagittal. We decided to not let her see him until the swelling was almost gone. She came on the last day of the hospital stay and did very well with him. She sang to him in his crib and rode with him in the wagon and was very gentle. She did really well with the whole thing. We did tell her all about it though and I think that helped.
You know your children best so its up to you on how you think they will do with details and such.
~Shelby

[Frogers03]

My 6yr old was very concerned when we told her the baby needed to have surgery. She was staying with my mom and my mom called me at the hospital to tell me that my daughter was having nightmares about it. We felt it best that Phoenix come up to see Darlene to relieve her mind that the baby was OK.

My 2 yr old couldn't have cared less, lol. When we got hom, he was very interested in her incision and wanted to look at it all the time. Now that it has healed and she doesn't have stitches, he seems to have forgotten it.

Neither child treats the baby any differently now. They seem to have completely erased it from their memories and I constantly have to remind them to be careful around her head.