Fears are now starting

[Jennifer]

Okay, so this weekend I was realitivly calm about the prospect of Emily having another surgery- as it's a much 'simpler' procedure and what not. Now the fears are coming. All the questions I ask myself. This not being a 'mandatory' procedure make it worse.

What if we choose to do this (which we are doing) and the worse happens?

What if they somehow mess up and make her eyebrow look really weird? (which I know is ridiculous as I trust them completely and wouldn't ever consider going to anyone else)

How am I going to hand her over to the nurse? She can now say Momma and the thought of her screaming my name in that situation scares the crap out of me!! (During her last hospital stay, there was a little girl in the room next to us who kept crying for her daddy when they would bring in her medicine..... It broke my heart to hear it and she wasn't even mine!)

How is she gonna feel if she wakes up after surgery and she's not out of recovery yet? She HATES not being with Christian or I- she cries for a good 20 minutes everytime I leave her with her grandparents- I can't imagine her being awake with a bunch of strangers.

Is it fair for me to put her through this surgery? Is it fair not to? I know in my heart eventually it will be the best, but jeez- couldn't the NS have just said- you need to do this!

UGG! I hate these questions. I hated them last time. I hate them this time. Thanks for letting me vent.

[ExpatJen]

Jennifer,
I think what you have to do to get through this is to look past it - Emily is so little and she will likely forget it in a short time. You have to constantly remind yourself that she is in good hands, that she would want you to do this, that she IS safe, even though she may be confused and may cry. But it will be over with quickly. I know I am hardly one to tell you this because it took my husband and I ages to agree to our daughter Audrey having the surgery, and it is so much easier seeing the clear answers for others, but I am sure you shouldn't let the challenges of the hospital experience put you off. And yes, oh how I know how much easier it would be if the surgeons would just tell us "this must be done". When we finally told the surgeon that we were going through with it he said "you made the right choice and are doing the right thing"- gosh how I wish he could have hinted to that beforehand! But they can't.

My son had surgery for a hydrocele at 9 months and I had the same worries you have now - him waking up without his bear and without either me or my husband there. But it was fine. We were reunited before the drugs had finally worn off so he was a bit out of it and didn't cry at all. Then, when he was more aware of things, we were there with him. Find out at what point you will be reunited with Emily. But first, if this surgery is what you think she needs and you trust the doctors, then keep telling yourself it will be over quickly and remind yourself that even if she gets upset that in fact she is safe and that if she could understand it all she would want to go through with it. If she wouldn't, then you need to re-think the surgery. Those are the points I grappled with in coming to a decision about Audrey and were the points everyone here and at CAPPS suggested I consider. Now I am so relieved that we have our answer. Of course, a few days before her surgery I will be as ambivalant as you are now and will be posting a similar message as yours! But that's what this board is for, right?

A big HUG to you,

Jennifer C.

[Katie]

:hugg I agree with what JenniferC said! She may be scared, but it will not take her long to forget this at all. The recovery period should be shorter and she should bounce back in no time flat. In the long run, she will be happy you had this surgery done, as it's one less thing for her to feel self concious about as a teenager (remember how self concious and sensetive we were about everything as teenagers?). Also, if her brow line is a bit flattened, isn't it possible that having that corrected could protect her eye from possible injury in the future? :hugg :hugg

[Jennifer]

:hugg Thanks guys! I know most of the fears are just the 'protective mommy' in me- and I know they're just fears. It just sucks to go through them again. I know it's best. Thanks so much for your words though- they really help.:hugg

[steff]

Oh, Jen.....:hugg :hugg :hugg

I understand how you must feel, having to go through another surgery. It's probably the way I felt the very first time I was told Sofia would need cranio surgery. All the mixed feelings of whether to go through it, or not. In the end, we decided what we knew was best for her. She can't make this decision, but I am sure years from now, she will be soooo thankful and grateful you made the right choice. I am quite certain, Emily will be so drowsy after the surgery, and will probably not remember much of the experience. Emily will do great, I am sure of it!!!! I will pray for her, I promise!

We are here for you, Jen!!!!

[snickers9246]

I know how you feel Jen!! We had Holly's follow-up on Friday, and she's doing great, just still has a large space (soft spot) fromt he surgery. I know it's only been 3 months, but the bone quits developing at 18 months. So it all has to grow back in in the next like 5 months!! If it doesn't he said we'd have to see about maybe doing something more, like repairing it. Although he is confident that it will fill. I'm so worried she might need another surgery, that I'm having nightmares again!!. Jay said to give it time and it will all work out. Sometimes I wish I could be as calm as he is, on the outside anyways. :)

[Jennifer]

The NS just called (well her assistant called) to set up the appointment. I am requesting April and she is calling the PS to get his openings for that month and then will call me back.....I now have this sick feeling in my stomach!

[KALEMSMOM]

Oh my gosh Jen, I couldn't imagine having to go through another surgery. Will they re-open the same cut? Will she swell up all over again? I really don't know what to say but that if it were Kalem, I probably would do the surgery. This world can be sooo cruel, kids and teenagers will find the smallest flaw and thrive on making it a big deal. I think we've all been picked on, for whatever the reason. I was like 90 lbs till I hit 20 years old and was called all kinda names. I want to ensure that Kalem has the best future possible and of course for self esteem. If we had to go through another surgery (god forbid) I would do it in a glance. Hang in there, you and Emily and family will be just fine.

[KALEMSMOM]

Oh and Tracey, I'm hoping that the soft spot closes shortly for your sanity.

[Jennifer]

Sylvie- your questions are the same as mine. I'm hoping to get those answers soon! We will be doing the surgery- I agree with what you said about kids being cruel and what not.......

I'll let you all know when I here the date!

[Lauren]

:hugg :hugg Here I am, a day late and a dollar short to offer my support! You know that you are making the right decision for her. Just think about how many times you have supported someone else who was just starting with all of this by saying, "you will be amazed at how quickly these little ones bounce back." It was true last time and it will be true this time! Hang in there!

[Jennifer]

Again, thanks! I know, I keep hearing my own advise- it's just not so easy when its yours!:no But I know we'll get through just fine, it's just so darn scary........ But with all of your guys' encouraging words- it sure helps!!!!:hugg :thankyou :hugg

[plukids]

Hi Jennifer! It is so hard to make a decision when it involves our children! Know that you are not alone here. I believe your decision is the right one. I agree with everyone above. Know that I will pray for Emily and your family! Sometimes I have asked my physician (on all kinds of concerns) "what would you do if this was your child?" I feel better knowing that sometimes. ((((HUGS)))))