Post-op emotions

[MBSzafranski]

After Ben's diagnosis I felt a bit depressed, understandably. Every time I looked at him I just wanted to take him with me in a hole and protect him.

Ben's surgery was a week ago, and it could not have gone any better. He is completely back to normal and doing great.

Me, on the other hand, I am still feeling like I want to just curl up in bed with him for a month or two. I know I am still recovering from the exhausting week, and I think that has something to do with it. But, I still feel like I could just cry at any moment. I don't know what is wrong with me!?

Did any of you feel this way? I feel like I have pregnancy hormones all over again (and no, I am not pregnant!). I love all of you ladies for your support!

[*Jessica*]

Oh Maggie! :comfort They say that the kids leave the hospital on Tylenol, the parents on the other hand leave needing valume! You know, I don't have a really good answer for you other than the generic "totally normal to feel that way". I bet it is similar to post tramatic stress disorder. You know, it is like you spent a week in survival mode, and now you are just processing the actual emotions...finally letting them out. I would say, that you should alow yourself to feel whatever comes...of course, if you start to have unhealthy thoughts, then seek professional help.

I hope that makes sense? Hang in there momma. Vent whenever you need too. We are here!

[angeleka]

There will most likely be a moment (or two) where you do have a breakdown. The best thing to do is to just let it out. You and your emotions have been on a roller coaster for a long time now. You almost need to grieve for a while. Your emotions have been so up and down over this that they need to get out. It is a lot like after having a baby. When your emotions have been all over the spectrum like they are during this, they effect you on every level, hormones and all.
What you are experiencing is normal, and like you said, the exhaustion is probably making it all worse. There were times right after surgery that I would just look at him and cry. I would cry cause it was finally over, cry because I was still unsure I did the right thing, cry cause he was swollen, cry cause he was himself again, cry cause I was so proud of my strong little guy, cry cause I missed his old head shape and cause I wanted to like his new one. I don't mean I cried a lot of times, just that I had all of these thoughts during one cry session. Does that make sense? Anyway my little monster is awake now so I have to go, just know you are normal in what you are going through!!!!!

[Janet]

I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same way about a year after the surgery, I went and talked to my doctor about it, she said that it's normal to have post tramatic after going through something major like this. I took meds or a few months and felt better. I'm still really protective towards Fiona 2-1/2 years post op....she has a few soft spots so I need to be. These feelings will pass. :hugg

ETA:
I wanted to add, I'm still extremely angry at the hospital where my kids were born, and that I had to figure out she had cranio.....my husband and I went out for dinner the other night and I kinda went off about it.....so YEP still angry phase.

[Sophia's_mom]

I also took some mild anti-depressants to get me thru surgery and stayed on them until we had the helmet and that first week was over. I just couldn't get thru the day without a break down and since I had to work I had to be able to maintain my composure. It's hard, and you may still have some break downs from time to time. It's normal, and you are never alone, we are all here to support you.

[janda]

It's interesting - I had my crying spells before the surgery and then after I was just so relieved it was over. My husband had a much more difficult time post-surgery, especially the first few days. I think the whole ordeal really takes a toll on parents. The sleep problems after surgery don't help. Hang in there - I think it will get better as time goes on and things get back to normal.

[Leighasmom]

I know its been 8 years but I do remember we were just too busy with insurance appeals and worrying about the DOC band post op that I didn't have the time to feel depressed about Leigha's surgery. I know that I reacted really badly in the hospital when the bandages came off and yelled at the CS:scared2for ruining her. SO I guess that was the months of emotions all crashing into one over-reacting moment that I humbly appologized for over and over again....I'll probably still be appologizing when we go to her check up this year...lol. The emotions will get better I would sob at night about worrying over insurance not covering things but then I'd get really mad and put all the emotion into my appeal. I think the best way to think of going through all this is realize the emotions are a lot like what we deal with when going through death:
Denial: My baby is fine nothing is wrong, the dr's are right:hide
Bargining: Hey God if you magically fix this I will do this, this, this, and that oh and I'll never do this again.:pray
Sadness/Depression:sob
Anger: How DARE THIS HAPPEN TO US and :react
Acceptance: Okay I have to do this I have to do surgery: here you go nurse he/she is in your hands:comfort
Moving on/Feeling better:yay
But remember since it is a crazy roller coaster of Cranio (FU Cranio:finger) these emotions can happen at random times, can happen together, and can keep happening after surgery. It gets easier and you feel better but like with warnings of baby blues post pregnancy don't feel ashamed if you need a little help to deal with it such as meds or staying up all hours of the night talking to one of us.

[Monica]

You will get through this. You are still a newbie to the other side, so cut yourself some slack. You've been through a lot and are still on your way back to normal. Hang in there!

[Gretchen]

Yup, pretty much all has been said here with how I felt. The first couple of weeks afterword I remember thinking I should not feel like this, I should be grateful, I should be thankful. But deep down inside I felt like this was all my fault. It definitely has got a lot better with time. One thing I notice though is the way I study his face and head, making sure everything looks "normal".

[Sawyer's_Mom]

All I can offer is hugs :hugg since we haven't been through our surgery yet.

[*jules*]

hugs. I think everything catches up with you after surgery. We work so hard to keep it all together and get our babies on the other side, we end up pushing a lot of thoughts and emotions to the back of our minds. Eventually you begin to "feel" the full impact of the experience. It's all normal, just let it out when you need to. Hang in there and it should get better soon :)

[dannlark]

PTSD is VERY real after these kinds of stressful situations. As Super Mommies, we take the helm and put our heads down and press on to get to the finish line. I did an awesome job of holding it all together (some melt down days, but not many), even directly post op and a few weeks into recovery. But once I was able to relax, I hit the wall. I was depressed, angry, exhausted, frustrated, etc... Not the most wonderful person to live with, to say the least. And without a good support group around you, it's even worse. (DH didn't understand at all) I had to work through all those emotions on my own, and it's SO important to do so. There is no quick solution, you just need to vent it all out. It took several months for me to move past the dark cloud into the sun, but I did get there. What you're feeling is completely NORMAL!!! Give yourself time to heal, just as you are giving your son time to heal. We didn't have our heads cut open like our children, we had our hearts cut open instead... (((HUGS))) It gets better, I promise!!!!

[Terry17]

It's a wonder any of you mommies haven't gone crazy with what you have been through. It is such a scary thing. My daughter still stresses over this whole thing. I hope things get better for you. The worst is over. Best wishes!!!

[Amanda_H]

Hi,
It's really helpful to read this thread - especially for the 'steps' on how you feel - thanks Mel :comfort! We only found out our diagnosis this week and Ollie's operation is on Monday. Whilst I know we're really lucky to not have the wait that a lot of people have, I feel like I have a million emotions crashing at once. The anger one is up there pretty high. Makes no sense to rage against anyone, but we had a really hard birth and now this. I just feel anger randomly at the whole situation. Plus a bit of guilt, though not sure where that one's coming from. I guess it's all totally normal, and it helps to know that everyone feels the same!
Amanda :scared

[Sweet Baby James]

I thought I'd handled everything so well - but then a year post-op and maybe more treatment needed and here I am off work with PTS. Guess it hits all of us at some point to some degree. Guess the thing to try and remember is that it's perfectly normal to react in some way and that you're not alone in this. x

[MBSzafranski]

Thank you so much, ladies!! It helps so much just knowing that this is "normal."

I know I should be smiling ear-to-ear that everything went as well as it did, but I just still feel a bit sad. I appreciate all of you helping me through this! This is such a wonderful place for support- I really can't imagine going through this without it!

[Perla]

Maggie,
I feel the same way!!!
And it's been 2 weeks for my Max.

He is also doing great as Ben, I am still recovering!

Hugs,