Ready for this to be over

[Kari]

Lily's surgery is exactly 4 weeks from today. Part of me doesn't want this day to come, the other part can't wait to get it over with!!!!

I'm so terrified of surgery and the list of complications which can occur. All I do lately is hold her and cry. What if she loses too much blood? Gets an infection? The what ifs are driving me crazy.

I'm counting the days with anticipation, but what if it's counting down the days till I lose her?

This is single-handedly the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my entire life. I don't know how to handle it. Family and friends are no consolation right now. Ugh. This is hell.

Sorry, just needed to vent.

[Jules]

Kari,

You have a right to be terrified right now. In the days that lead up to my sons operation, people kept trying to minimize what was going on. Our Surgeon was the biggest offender. He made it sound like Gabe was going in for a shot and I kept thinking "how can you be so casual about cutting a very large hole in my sons head!".

Here is what I do know for certain. These children are fighters and they are resilient! They do loose blood but the surgeons are prepared for that. My husband donated blood for Gabe's surgery and it was comforting to know that he was getting his Dad's blood. It won't be long until you are on the other side of this and we will be here to celebrate Lily's recovery with you.

You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Jules

[Jennifer]

The 'what if's' where the hardest for me. I held strong till the last week- then I freaked out. I couldn't stop taking pictures of her. I had them professionally done and took a ton at home. The worst always popped into my mind, then I thought I was cursing myself for even thinking it. Friends and family saying it was gonna be okay- pissed me off- how did they know, they'd never had to go through it before. (looking back, they were trying to help, but the minimizing of the situation still really irritates me) All that said, once I handed her over, I felt this huge wave of relief- I was still as nervous and anxious as hell, but it was out of my hands, I had done what I could.
Lily is a strong little girl. Technology is amazing. She will do well. She will become your little hero in an instant. But you will continue to worry and fear for her- that's what us parents get to do! We are here for you- please use us to vent- we really do know what your feeling. :hugg's to you!!

[Matthews Mommy]

I was almost exactly like Jen held strong till the day of surgery then fell apart but the what ifs crossed my mind a lot and it drove me nuts because I am the type to push the feelings away and try to get back on my tough I can do this act! Family made me paranoid especially my mother in law who kept cursing me and crying at me cause she did not understand why this had to be done.
Matthew 's surgery was quick now that I look back the day seemed to drag out when we were in the moment but the next day came and he got better...then the next day we grew stronger....and before you knew it it was over and Matt was home.
My advice take one day at a time!
Live life by each precious moment and hang on to those!
Hugs and prayers!

[Dean'smom]

I was terrified during the days leading up to my son's surgery. It was definitely the toughest thing I have ever had to get through, and I know my husband agrees. The day before his surgery was for me the hardest- I remember telling my friends that I wanted to take him and run away.....I felt like I couldn't get through it. I also would hold him and just cry- knowing that he had no idea what was ahead of him made me so sad. I remember him jabbering all the way to the hospital, happy as can be, and I was sobbing. But what you're hearing is right, these babies are tougher than we are, it's hard to believe when they are so small, but they really are. I understand how hard it is. I should say too- my son had endo surgery......which is supposed to be "less invasive"...didn't matter to me- I was scared to death.

[MikenAustinsMommy]

I went through the exact same feelings and cried so much before Austin's surgery. Looking back, Austin was in the best place possible if any complications did occur. The PICU staff is well prepared for any situation.

[Mom2William]

Kari-
I had all the same feelings. You are right, it is hard as hell. The hardest part for me was walking out of the OR room and leaving Will. But I had such peace after that through out the surgery. And relief when the PN came out to tell us that he was doing well. It was such a long day tho.!
Please just vent away. We have all shared the same fears, concerns, and other people annoying the S*&$ out of us when they really cannot understand (most of them mean well tho.). Hang in there and like Josette said- take one day at a time and treasure all the special moments.
Josette- I have to say that I really admire you for not punching out your MIL! LOL. It is so hard when you have to be strong for other people and you were her rock. That is a great quality to have!
Kari -we will be keeping you in prayer.

[Gavinsmom]

Hello Kari,
I went through the same surgery with my son when he was 4 months old. I wish I had this site back then for support & info. It was the hardest thing we've ever had to go through. We were in the hospital for 5 nights. It's amazing how strong you can be when you have to for your child. She may lose blood, my son did, and you should arrange to donate ahead of time. But, I will tell you to be on top of tracking any donor blood you've pre-arranged. My son needed a transfusion the next day and they let my blood & my father's blood (that was donated) expire during the surgery. So, he received a stranger's blood instead. I don't mean to scare you, just want to provide info. that I wish I had back then. He had no problems with infection and after we came home from the hospital, he heeled nicely and there was nothing scary for me to deal with. You will get through this & things will be ok and it's certainly understandable to feel terrified. I will pray for you on 4/11.

[Addy]

Hi Kari;
My children are going for scans to see if they have this condition so I have no experiance with this, but do know the worry and scared feelings that can go along with cranio. I wanted to wish Lily the best of luck and anytime you need to talk were here for you. I'll say tons of prayers. Remember alot of babies/children on here have had surgery and come out great, lily will too. (((Hugs)))

[Addy]

Hi Kari;
My children are going for scans to see if they have this condition so I have no experiance with this, but do know the worry and scared feelings that can go along with cranio. I wanted to wish Lily the best of luck and anytime you need to talk were here for you. I'll say tons of prayers. Remember alot of babies/children on here have had surgery and come out great, lily will too. (((Hugs)))

[Lori]

Hi Kari,
Love what the girls have to say. Best advice you can get. I will add, don't forget to breath! Hang in there, and be fair to yourself and think about the positive aspects along with the realistic fears. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, and it's ok to cry, and this is the right place to vent.

[jleonard2004]

Lily's surgery is exactly 4 weeks from today. Part of me doesn't want this day to come, the other part can't wait to get it over with!!!!

I'm so terrified of surgery and the list of complications which can occur. All I do lately is hold her and cry. What if she loses too much blood? Gets an infection? The what ifs are driving me crazy.

I'm counting the days with anticipation, but what if it's counting down the days till I lose her?

This is single-handedly the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in my entire life. I don't know how to handle it. Family and friends are no consolation right now. Ugh. This is hell.

Sorry, just needed to vent.





I know I'm a little late adding to this string but Katie's surgery is in sept and I'm already feeling the SAME stress...I cry everyday, have since they told me what was wrong..and to be honest, I don't know how to deal with it either!