View Full Version : Changed outlook
I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way...I love my two children more than anything in the world! Before we were told about their head shapes being abnormal we were so proud of their appearances. We still think they are adorable, but are more conscious that other people notice their different head shapes. I've been feeling SO guilty about this because I feel shallow. They are wonderful little people and I know I have to get over this for their sakes. Anyone else go through this and how did you deal with it thx.
03-09-2007, 11:49 AM
I totally know how you feel. Emily had coronal cranio, which makes one eye 'wider' than the other. People always commented on how cute she was- after her diagnosis I would think- do they think she's cute or do they notice the different shaped eye and feel sorry for her and are they reassuring me. Though I always thought she was adorable, I always wondered what others 'really' thought w/ the different shaped eyes and the 'bulging' of the forehead. Funny thing was- I felt so concerend the first months of her life and then the week of her surgery I felt so sad that the 'wide' eye would be gone- I cried over it!
Looking back- I don't really think other people noticed it so much. When your told something is wrong w/ your childs head- that's all you start to see- and soon you will start looking at every kids head and doing your own unofficial diagnosis :giggle Other people probably don't notice it :hugg It will get better!
Jennifer thx for your words they really help!
I had to chuckle what you said about missing the wide eye LOL I always thought their narrow heads were cute and still do. If they do have surgery I will miss the *old them*.
I've also started staring at other kid's head shape they probably think I'm a crazy lady LOL
03-09-2007, 02:27 PM
Addy and Jennifer, I'm smiling because that's exactly how I feel.
Our son is going in for surgery on Monday and I'm crying over missing his cute shaped head... he's just adorable (of course I would say that!). But I keep reminding myself it's not for me - if it was, I wouldn't be letting him go through all this - it's purely for him and not even for the other people that might tease him in the future, just purely for my little boy who will one day grow in to a man that I would like to be healthy, confident and happy!
PS. Your two children are beautiful... what a great picture.
Thx a bunch Sarahanne! Your decision for surgery is a very selfless one. You sound like a wonderful mother Jack's lucky to have you. Whereabouts in the Uk are you? Way offtopic, but do you watch Coronation Street? It's my favorite soap!
Addy no reason to feel guilty! You guys are all so cute. Your reactions are the result of good moter instincts! Remember, what other people may think or say, only has a much importance as you allow it.
*Sarah has the right idea(PS Your in my prayers and thoughts on Mon.).
And Jennifer, you are so cute! I think it is so adorable you loved that wide eye. Actually, alot of beautiful people have one eye higher and wider, ...it's a sexy look!
I've posted my son's picture *somewhere? Ha. His surgery was quite serious and had alot of bumps with a very big scar. Today he is at peace with who he is and is quite a well rounded man.
03-09-2007, 08:53 PM
and then the week of her surgery I felt so sad that the 'wide' eye would be gone- I cried over it!
Jennifer, you hit the nail on the head! Before Joseph's surgery I would kiss the top of his head and try to imprint what his head looked like on my brain. And once he had surgery I missed the indentation at his temple...it was the perfect spot for my lips...for a kiss.
And I know people worried and pondered over the shape of his head. Family members did not pass on to me pictures of him that really highlighted his malformation. That made me sad...because I thought he was the sweetest boy I had ever seen. I had a terrific sister-in-law who told me all the time the benefits of his mal-shapen head (good spots to kiss etc)...she told me what I knew in my heart...and she was right on.
Anyway...from this rambling I would take away your little ones are PERFECT. Perfect for who they were meant to be...not what we expect of them.
03-10-2007, 04:42 AM
"kiss-spots" ... so sweet.
Oh, it's so hard. It's my children's beauty inside and out that breaks my heart everyday... if that makes any sense.
Addy, I'm in Edinburgh, Scotland and we do have Coronation Street, although I don't watch it (but can try to give you an update if you'd like).
03-10-2007, 11:26 AM
It too wonder if people see Dean's differences- although he is still in a helmet, so there's not much to see......but I have come to realize that he is adorable in every way, I have always thought so! His one eye is a little different than the other,and because it's pretty mild, I think it makes him unique! I love his head! People definitely stare sometimes, because of the helmet, or they won't look at him at all.......apparently afraid if what they might see, I don't know. That makes me sad.....
03-10-2007, 02:10 PM
Don't you worry keep your head held high and be a proud MaMa! I just smile and pray for any person who is ignorant enough to stare or make comments. Misinformed that is what they are my boys are autistic too and when they stare or even dare to comment I just drop the whole medical definition on them...LOL! The more we make them aware and spread the word the less ignorance our world will have.:hugg keep smiling for those beautiful babies you have!
03-13-2007, 10:01 PM
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!
We, I am sure, have all felt that way. Miriam too had coronal and I always never believed people when they said she was cute. Even now I really wonder if people REALLY think she is a cute baby. BUT NO MATTER WHAT I DO!!!
Now Miriam is in a helmet and we have got some looks, but oh well. SHE IS STILL CUTE.
But I guess what I am trying to say is I agree with everyone else. What you are feeling is completely normal for us cranio moms and dads.
03-14-2007, 03:03 PM
This is a great post! I have always been afraid to put my fears out there for everyone to hear and I have to agree with all of you. What I was most afraid of was that Gabe would loose his smile and his spirit. What if he was changed forever and was no longer the happy baby that we had grown so accustomed to. The good news is that his head changed but not his spirit. He still has bumps where his forehead pushed forward and they are diffinately my favorite place to plant kisses. We have developed a sense of humor around the whole thing. We quote the movie "So I Married an Axe Murderer" and giggle about Gabe's big melon. But I wouldn't change what we have gone through for a million dollars. It makes us a strong family and binds us to other families made strong by the same thing.
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