October 13th, 2004

I intended to write this while I was pregnant with you, but words seem to
fail me. I don’t think it is possible to put in to writing the love your
daddy and I feel for you. I plan on giving this to you later in your life,
when you’re old enough to understand just what it means. Maybe I’ll save it
for a special occasion, or maybe I’ll give it to you after one of those
inevitable squabbles we will have when you are a teenager.

It has been exactly one year to the date since we found out you were going
to come in to the world. It was ten days past IUI. I wasn’t supposed to test
for at least fourteen days, but I couldn’t wait another day. It was about
5:00 AM. I told myself that if it was positive I wasn’t going to tell your
daddy until Dr. Strickler confirmed it. I wanted to think of a special
unique way to tell him. Well, I stood there staring at the faint positive
line for about ten minutes. I couldn’t believe it was really there, I
thought my tired eyes were playing tricks on me. So much for surprising your
daddy. As soon as it sunk in that the line really was there, I grabbed that
test and went flying in to the bedroom where he was asleep. I was
hysterically excited, your poor daddy must have thought the house was on
fire. When the blood test confirmed it later that day, I went to the store
and bought a little rubber duckie, a baby blanket, and a bib that said “I
love my Daddy”. I put the duckie in a bowl of water and laid the bib and
bowl out on the blanket. It was the first thing your daddy saw when he
walked in the door. The emotion in his eyes was incredible, and instantly
the happy tears started rolling down his cheeks. I’ll never forget that

Now you are here. My beautiful baby boy who has already been through more in
his short time here than anyone should have to go through in a life time.
But through everything, you have learned to smile, babble, and melt our
hearts. What a strong little man you are. Watching you change and grow every
day is an experience I would not trade for anything. You are perfect.

Should we argue or disagree when you are older, know that we are not trying
to make life miserable for you. We will only be doing what we think is right
in raising you to be a strong and honorable man. If you are struggling or
sad, talk to us. We may not always agree on the situation, but you are our
son and we will always protect and love you no matter what. I look at you
and see so much potential. I wonder what you will do with your life as an
adult. We will always do everything possible to help you achieve your hopes
and dreams.

Wow, one year already. In that year I’ve seen you grow from a spot on the
ultrasound, to seeing and hearing your heartbeat. I felt you kick my belly,
and watched you take your first breath. I’ve seen your eyes open and explore
the world, and your first gummy smile. Your first coo brought tears to my
eyes. We love you Dillon, more than I can express to you.


Momma and Daddy

October 6th, 2004

These past few weeks have been wonderful. We are finally getting to know the real Dillon, the Dillon who isn’t constantly getting poked by Dr’s, the true loving, cuddly Dillon. He greets us every day with smiles and giggles. He is babbling and reaching for things. His personality is just so incredibly lovable. Now that things have settled down a bit, I think the true bonding period has finally begun. I’m in no way saying we didn’t bond previously, it’s just that there’s more time for hugs and kisses now instead of run to this appointment and that appointment.
Thinking of everything he has been through and what is still to come brings tears to my eyes. He is so loving and trusting, to think of him in any kind of pain is heartbreaking.
I always knew becoming a parent would be an amazing gift, but I had no idea my heart could swell this much love.